beginnings

Squinting against the sun, he flicks the cigarette into the dead air then brings it back up to his mouth and inhales.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

It’s routine, perfectly calculated seconds between each breath in and out. He can practically hear the seconds tick by in his head which would resonate perfectly with his watch. Well, if he still wore a watch anyway. He hasn’t worn one since… well, in a number of years. Thank goodness for cell phones, he’d say with an abashed grin when arriving late and would quickly change the conversation.

He hates talking about himself.

In fact, he reckons he would be the perfect boyfriend if it weren’t for the fact that he’s so ‘disaffected’ as the doctor likes to put it. He himself would rather not label it as such, ‘disaffected’ sounds so much like disinfectant and that always reminds him of coldness, sterility and hospitals among other things. Then again, he despises labeling people and can always hear his mother’s voice in his head as the root as to why: “Labels are for jars and clothing, not human beings.”

draw a line in the sand

Right, so new blog. Again. Well, this one just seems to be for random writings and whatnot instead of the goings on of my life.

So to start this off, a paragraph (possibly the opening) of a story I'm working on:

Numbness.

They say it washes over you like ice but that's not the real truth. In actuality, it creeps up on you, slowly, a little bit more every day sliding in a little more. You sense yourself go through life on auto, everything just happens and it occurs to you there might be something wrong because the feelings don't come so quickly anymore. You don't know what it is but it doesn't phase you at all. Things like this happen and you'll get back into the swing of things pretty soon. But one day you accidentally cut your finger and muse that that was unexpected while walking over to the sink to wash away the blood, not because you have an urge to do so but rather because you know it's the right thing to do and you were brought up to do the right things, and as the water cleans the small wound you figure it's not so bad and you don't really need a band-aid, besides the skin will start growing back soon enough. It doesn't hurt much, and even if it did there are other things for you to concentrate on than pain.

Because pain is eventually succeeded by numbness.